I recently started to record my “wins” in a small notebook each day—if I hit a deadline, have a nice chat with a friend, make someone laugh, help my mom .

It’s a habit I picked up from a reader, who wrote to explain how keeping track of daily accomplishments, no matter how small, may be even more empowering than practicing gratitude. The point is that it reminds us of our own agency, and even on our hardest days we usually manage to rack up some scores.

It turns out, it works! And his email reminded me of one of my favorite parts of my job as a relationship columnist: Hearing everyone’s hard-earned advice on how we can improve our connections to others and boost our own well-being. All year, I chase the best advice from therapists, researchers and regular people. And in December I share the best-of-the-best with you.

Many of these life hacks are from older folks who know a thing or two about resilience. A few from previous years bear repeating.

Marlene Critch, a 90-year-old retired hospital administrator from Burien, Wash., had been married for 50 years when she told me that her secret to marital success was for each spouse to “give 75% ,” which adds up to a total of 150% for the relationship. Don Nelson, an 89-year-old retired security company president, recommended that we maintain a mental “f— it bucket ,” where we toss upsetting information that we can’t change, such as the latest political mess or a beloved team’s latest loss. Longtime reader Irwin Weinberg, 77, a retired consultant from Naples, Fla., shared a picture of the tattoo he got after his wife of 46 years died. It expressed his personal mantra: “Quality Time Left.”

“Life isn’t lived in a straight line,” he said at the time. “QTL helps me focus on what’s important.”

Then there’s this piece of sterling advice that I heard from my colleague Jason Gay, The Wall Street Journal’s sports columnist, that I practice almost every single day: “You really should listen to more Stevie Wonder.” (I recommend: “Did I Hear You Say You Love Me.”)

Other tips are new to me this year. Allow me to share the bounty.

Do the ring walk

When Brandon Mancine was in his 20s, he competed in an amateur boxing competition. That’s where he learned how to block out all distractions and focus on his goal.

Walking into the ring after months of training, he was hit by an assault of noise: The “Rocky” theme song blasted and the crowd roared. His friends and family cheered. And his opponent’s fans yelled obscenities at him.

He ignored it all, stayed focused on his goal–and won the fight. Afterwards, when a local reporter asked him what it felt like to enter the ring, he replied: “You can’t allow yourself to hear the noise. You have to go in with a purpose.”

Since then, Mancine, a 48-year-old personal trainer from San Antonio, has used this ring-walk mentality both professionally—to build his business and coach his clients—as well as personally. First he envisions the outcome he wants, then he makes it happen. When he prepares for a date night with his wife, he pictures putting down his phone and focusing on listening to her talk and making her laugh.

He takes a similar approach with his kids, setting work frustrations aside as he walks in the door each night. His goal, he says, is to end the evening with a proverbial arms-in-the-air win.

“Life will throw so many freaking distractions at you,” he says. “You need to remove them and stay focused.”

Stay in the boat

Often when we’re upset with a spouse or loved one, our instinct is to argue heatedly or completely shut down. That’s our fight-or-flight response at work, and it can cause a lot of problems in a relationship.

Catherine Duncan, a 61-year-old minister from Minneapolis, learned a different approach from a therapist years ago: Choose the middle way. “Instead of jumping out of the boat when a challenge arises, can you take a breath and stay present?” she says.

The goal is to keep from escalating the disagreement. First, breathe. (It’s OK if you need to take a short break, but explain this; don’t storm off.) Then be curious: Ask yourself what is really happening with the other person.

Duncan says that she often uses this approach with her husband. When he was upset after a family gathering recently, she put her hand on her heart to calm down, created an “energy boundary”—imagining a magic cloak around her that repels negative energy—and thought about why he was mad. This helped her stay calm and listen to her husband without reacting and making things worse.

“Staying in the boat diffuses the anger in the room,” she says. “You don’t abandon yourself, and you don’t abandon the other person.”

Write a poem

Tim Torkildson writes at least a dozen short poems a day that he sends to loved ones and strangers, including reporters whose work he follows. He calls them “taikus” and “timericks.” I’ve been receiving them for years.

The 73-year-old retired clown started in fourth grade, with a poem about his teacher; it wasn’t flattering, but he got a kick out of saying what he thought. He wooed his wife with poems during their long-distance courtship in the early 1980s and still writes her a love poem every day. (It must work because he’s been married to her twice.) He also uses poems to stay in touch with his seven living children and nine grandchildren.

Torkildson, of Woodbridge, Va., likes making people smile. (He’s worked for the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey circus, Disneyland and McDonald’s as Ronald himself, he says.) He also enjoys the connection and conversation that his poems spark. But the real reason he writes poetry, he says, is simply to express himself.

The trees are old bones

In winter, like me – swaying.

Wanting to be heard.

That one popped up in my inbox after our interview last week.

“Each poem I send out is a way for me to say: ‘Here I am, I hope you enjoy this little piece of me,’” he says.

Strive for high-kick joy

Dolly Chugh, a professor at New York University’s Stern School of Business, had an epiphany recently at a Radio City Rockettes show. As she watched the dancers march, twirl and kick, she was struck by all the hard work that went into the production.

“What looked effortless and magical was carefully planned, practiced and earned,” she says.

Chugh, 57, who lives in New York, says she used to expect joy to just appear in her life, like the sun. But her research topics include growth mindset: with practice, feedback, experimentation and mistakes we can get better at something. She decided that she could have a growth mindset about joy, boosting it with effort.

She calls this concept “high-kick joy” and seeks out examples in her life: Playing pickleball. Building close friendships. Having a dog. (Expensive! Messy! Disruptive! And delightful!)

“I realized you can get better at joy,” she says. “And that it’s worth the effort.”

Write to Elizabeth Bernstein at Elizabeth.Bernstein@wsj.com