Gregory Gerla, a 36-year-old entrepreneur in New York, has spent about $10,000 attending 13 weddings and related events over the past year, he said. Emily Shatz, a 26-year-old public relations associate in San Francisco, said she has spent even more—about $15,000 on seven weddings and three bachelorette parties in the same time period.
Both have done so willingly, but not obliviously to the financial and other strains that couples have put on them and other guests . “Now it’s become an expectation that you’re going to have multiple events,” Shatz said of weddings. “A lot of the time, the brides lose sight of what they’re asking their guests to do because they’re spending so much money.”
Wedding spending rose 8.5% in the first half of this year compared with the same period last year, according to a 2026 Bank of America Institute study . In another study from the institute, 57% of respondents said they would decline a wedding invitation from a close friend or relative for budgetary reasons, a 3% increase from 2025.
“Couples have every right to create the wedding they want,” said Lisa Grotts, an etiquette consultant in Sonoma, Calif. But guests “have every right to decide whether they can participate.” Here, advice for how to set expectations—or say no—graciously.
The bachelor or bachelorette party
Nearly half of participants in one of the Bank of America Institute studies said that brides and grooms are expecting too much financially for bachelor and bachelorette parties.
“They go play golf, or they go to Vegas, or they go to Cabo,” said Gary Weiss, 69, a partner at a commercial real-estate firm in Los Angeles—a far cry from the type of stag and hen parties that he and his wife attended in their youth. “The old-school way was guys went out to a strip joint” or played cards, Weiss said. “The women went and had a tea.”
For a bachelor-bachelorette party that Shatz attended last February in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, the costs came with another consideration—the group was asked to visit the coastal city at a time when cartel violence was spiking .
Shatz has also been invited to bachelorette parties even when she is not a member of a bridal party, or close to a bride.
When declining, Shatz always thanks the bride-to-be for the invitation, explaining that she hopes the woman-of-honor can spend time with her bridesmaids and closest friends. She tries to have these conversations in-person or on a video call, reserving texting as a last resort.
The multiday destination wedding
More than two-thirds of weddings now last two to three days, according to The Knot’s 2026 Real Weddings Study , which surveyed more than 10,000 American couples who were married last year. Longer events can increase guests’ hotel and transportation costs, among other expenses.
Shatavia Thomas, a therapist in Atlanta who specializes in marriage and family therapy, advises speaking directly and gently to a couple when a request is beyond your means. “Genuine friendships will survive any kind of rift,” she said.
Just because a couple asks you to stay at a fancy resort doesn’t mean you have to, Thomas explained. Tell them you’re excited to attend the wedding, but that you have to book another hotel nearby.
When traveling to their destination wedding is too much, if you live near the couple, offer to attend any local festivities they may be having—or treat them to a celebratory dinner before or after their big day.
“‘No’ is a complete sentence,” Thomas said. If you’re close to the bride or groom, you can share more details about why you are declining. But you don’t have to elaborate with acquaintances.
The wedding gift
When Weiss, the real-estate executive, was married in 1988, most people would go to the store where a couple was registered to buy gifts—china and cutlery were typically top choices, he said.
Now, he’s often being asked by couples for cash they can put toward a honeymoon or down payment on a house—sometimes via Venmo links on their wedding websites.
Cash gifts of more than $1,000 are not out of the ordinary for Weiss to give close family or friends. Shatz, the publicist, usually caps gifts at $100 per couple, especially when she has to travel far to their wedding.
A gift of any kind should reflect your relationship with the newlyweds, and what you can afford, said Grotts, the etiquette consultant. “A smaller gift is perfectly appropriate,” she added. Grotts isn’t a fan of honeymoon funds—she called the concept a “money-moon”—but noted that, when giving a couple cash, “it’s theirs to use however they wish.”
